-The life of a single expat in Göteborg

Pierre is 30 years old and he moved to Sweden more than 6 years ago. He is an engineer and before coming to Sweden he lived in Brussels and before that he lived in Singapore for 6 months where he finished his Masters degree. He has also lived in both France and Germany while he was studying. Pierre is very French and he has that wonderful, charming, French way of speaking English. He had a Dutch girlfriend in Brussels and when she was offered a job at Volvo Car Corporation in Göteborg he became the “accompanying spouse". He wasn´t about to move to Sweden without a job and so he used his initiative to obtain a position at VCC. He knew that a young, inexperienced engineer from France who couldn´t speak Swedish would not be in great demand so he went back to his university and convinced them to let him do his Masters once again, including a 6 month internship. They accepted this rather unusual idea as Pierre had good contacts at his university. VCC was willing to offer him an internship so things worked out well for all concerned.
He felt that VCC was an attractive employer due to the size of the company and was pleased to find a company who was willing to accept someone who could not speak Swedish. This innovative way of ensuring a move to Sweden is rather typical of Pierre and his approach to life.

The internship gave him time to see if Sweden liked him and if he liked Sweden. The answer was yes to both questions. He fell in love with Volvo. He liked the way people worked, the product and the culture of the company. He was asked to join a trainee programme and also offered permanent employment.  

I asked Pierre what he knew about Sweden before he came here. His image of Sweden was largely based on reading “The Wonderful Adventures Nils" (this is a famous work of fiction by the Swedish author Selma Lagerlöf, published in two parts in 1906 and 1907). This was rather a different perspective to what most people have of Sweden before they come here. In this story Nils rides around the different areas of Sweden on the back of a goose. He learns about the different regions and their geography and birds and fauna in this way. Pierre knew about the forests and the lakes and he also knew a bit about the Swedish social system. In France the Swedish system was used as a model. Pierre admits to having a rather idealistic view of Sweden. Pierre had a very positive impression of the education system where everyone has a chance to study at a tertiary level and where it is relatively easy to borrow money to study. Pierre feels that university study is more elitist in France. He thought of Sweden as some sort of a dream country where the country was beautiful and clean and everybody was happy, nice and sweet and friendly.

Of course I had to ask just how Sweden has met these expectations. Pierre´s diplomatic response was that he, himself, has changed during his stay in Sweden so it is hard for him to be completely objective at this stage. One thing he was not prepared for was the rigidity of social relationships and the necessity to plan one's social life months ahead. Pierre´s relationship with his girlfriend finished and he has been single for the majority of his time here. He has a lot of friends but still feels it is hard to get to know people. He is a very sociable person and he often takes the initiative and invites people out or to his place but he finds that this is often not reciprocated. He does however agree with the coconut theory* that Swedish people are difficult to get to know but once you get to know them they become very good friends. Pierre said that he finds people very polite and always very nice but that sometimes it is difficult to get further than these niceties.

The parking system in Sweden: This is one of Pierre´s major gripes. He holds the unofficial record for the most number of parking tickets obtained by an expat. He feels is it completely disproportionate to pay a SEK 700 fine because the wheel of his car is 50 cm from where it should be. Pierre actually created a budget for his parking tickets during his first years in Sweden. It was a regular expense for him. He cannot understand how you can avoid parking tickets as it seems impossible to Pierre to be able to park without getting a ticket. There are so many complex rules as to where and when you can park and no parking because of street cleaning and such.

The drinking and socialising culture: Pierre found the alcohol drinking habits very different here in Sweden. In France you relax and enjoy a meal together with friends and a good wine. Even on festive occasions you would never have a shot or start singing a song during the meal. In France people drink quite often but not to get drunk. Pierre was shocked to see that people associated drinking with getting drunk. This was why he felt they didn´t drink during the week. Even if he offered someone a drink they would say no because they were going to work the next day. Pierre doesn´t find the food or eating habits all that different. Of course in France the breakfast tends to be sweet whereas in Sweden it is usually savoury.

One thing that Pierre has had problems coming to terms with is the Swedish cheese slicer, a utensil that most Swedes cannot live without. He still doesn´t like it. He has bought different cheese tools in order to prove that there are a myriad of ways of cutting cheese. The cheese slicer works well with hard cheese but in France there are hundreds of different cheeses and the French have a totally different approach to when and how cheese is eaten. (As Charles de Gaulle put it “How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheese?") Another item that Pierre misses is good crusty bread. He finds this at the French bakery.

Pierre´s current position is that of Product Marketing manager working on new car projects. He has had a variety of positions at VCC and he has experience from a number of areas.  His first job was with Customer Service and after that he moved to the new car projects Finance team. Pierre then moved to the Product Marketing and Volume Strategy department. Pierre´s driving force is to learn new things and to meet challenges and to develop as a person. His background is that of an engineer but he has taken on positions not directly related to his education.  His curiosity and willingness to learn new skills have obviously made him an attractive employee. Pierre has just recently been offered and accepted a new position at Volvo France where he will be working as Product Marketing Manager. He will take up this position in mid September. He does plan to return to Sweden in 2 to 3 years and of course he is looking forward to this exciting new opportunity.
 
Leisure activities: Pierre has chosen not to have a television. He spends his spare time with friends and playing sports. It is important for him to have a balance in his life. He needs to expend energy and he also gains energy from his sports and physical activities. He runs (has run Göteborgsvarvet 5 times) plays badminton and innebandy (floor hockey). The latter is a new sport for him and he really enjoys it. He also plays squash, rides a wake board, skis and goes mountain climbing. This is a huge variety of sporting interests and this is one of Pierre´s key words — variety. He feels is not a specialist but more a generalist. He participates in both team sports and individual sports. The balance is very important for Pierre. Pierre also reads a lot. He reads in French, English and Swedish. He tries to read in Swedish in order to improve his command of the language.

 
Family: Pierre has a little sister who lives in Holland working with the International Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia for the United Nations. His mother lives in Lyon and his father lives in Grenoble. They broke up two years ago. He seems to have family all over the place. He has an aunt in Belgium and an uncle in Germany and his grandparents moved to Paris from Germany when they retired. Pierre is educated in France but has lived in a variety of places both inside and outside of France. He is very French but is not quite sure what he calls “home" at present. It is up to the individual to define what home is. For Pierre it isn´t really any physical place. He usually says Lyonas this is where his mother lives.
Despite the fact that Pierre has friends all over the place he still manages to get them together in one place several times a year. He feels that his French friends are extremely flexible and they always seem to be able to gather for big events. For example, a couple of weeks before this interview they had met in Bretagneto celebrate Pierre´s 30th birthday. There were 80 people at this party which was for both Pierre and his best friend who lives in Brussels. They also have an annual skiing trip and 23 people participated this year. Pierre is an extremely good organiser but he leaves the organisation of trips in France to others these days. Pierre also recently celebrated his 30th birthday with his Swedish friends. I know about Pierre´s organisation skills from the quizzes and other activities he organised for the trainee group that he was part of.
 
I asked Pierre what he thought was special for a single expat living in Sweden as compared to a family. He said that just living in a different culture and a new environment is a challenge. On top of that being alone and far from your family and friends is a unique experience. It can be difficult but also very rewarding. You are faced with yourself. This gives you time for a lot of reflection. Pierre feels it isn´t easy and he admits to being lonely in the beginning but he was also looking for time by himself. He has taken the opportunity to work out who he is and has worked on trying to accept himself and to come to some type of self realisation. He feels it is important to understand and accept who you are and from then move on to who you want to be. This is something that is very important to Pierre.

Pierre is young and he does not feel stressed about finding the right partner. He feels that this will happen when the right time comes. He used to be quite “desperate" as he felt it was important to find the right person but today he sees the opportunity of having time for himself as a positive thing. Pierre realises that a relationship is not the answer or the key to a happy life. He feels that his experience as a single expat has been a catalyst for him to find out all these things about himself.
We talked about friends and whether Pierre felt he had an immediate connection when he met up with old friends. He found that it was sometimes difficult to relate his experience in Sweden to them. Many live in France, have built up their own families and it isn´t easy for them to relate to his life. Pierre is often made aware of how their lives have diverged from each other and how involved everyone is in their own lives. He feels he has moved on and that his friends have moved in another direction. He sees his friends in a different light. He realises just how complex life really is. None of this means that they cannot be friends for life. In fact Pierre has no doubt that these people will always be important to him.

Disadvantages of living in Sweden: The parking system is a clear disadvantage. He also finds that it is not easy to meet people. Pierre feels the social relations are a bit complicated. The personal "bubble" is very thick and “exclusive". All social activities need to be planned well ahead. There is always the excuse of "tvättid" (laundry time, a Swedish institution). He finds his sphere somewhat limited. He does not miss films or music but does miss cultural happenings such as concerts and good quality exhibitions. He sometimes finds it hard to get information about what is going on. (He should read the events part of my column every month!)

Pierre feels that Sweden is a very standardised country. If you want to leave the stereotype behind and be more of an individual then you often have to go into the underground cultures and these are not easy to find for an expat. Some years ago Pierre had a friend who was gay and single. It was hard for him to find meaningful relationships as this was not a mainstream culture. It was more of an underground society. It is controversial as Sweden is one of the few countries accepting homosexual union, but it seems that acceptance is not granted to those who don´t fit the mould. This is very complex. Integration is a key issue, no matter where you live. This applies to any country. Sweden is different to other countries for these reasons — it is a small country in terms of population, the diversity is still not as great as, say, in the US or France. Here you do not often see coloured people and you are not often faced with differences and issues of integration. Swedes tend to see themselves as open and sharing and accepting of differences. They are the first to send medical help when there is a catastrophe somewhere in the world but Pierre doesn´t feel that the question of integration has been solved in Sweden. On the surface here people are polite and nice but under the surface they are not always so. The Swedish culture is very ingrained and quite resistant to change. There tends to be a mistrust of anything that is different.

Pierre feels that the same groups of people seem to meet up regularly for example, for midsummer, crayfish parties, Christmas, New Year´s Eve, skiing trips, Easter etc. These are often celebrated in the same way with the same people year after year and new people are not really welcome. This works fine — why should it change? As a foreigner it is very difficult to break into one of these groups. There does not seem to be a need to meet up with new people.

Jantelagen — this needs to be mentioned. It is this thing about fitting in. Jante is actually related to not sticking out. The frame is not about creativity or performance it is rigid and quite heavy. This is one of the disadvantages of living in Sweden. In France creativity is rewarded more. People are very good at finding excuses for not following the rules, arguing that they don´t make sense. The point here is that in France people are more creative and they are used to finding solutions to a variety of problems. The state does not provide the answers. In Sweden there are rules for everything. Pierre was also surprised by the importance of religion in Sweden.

I asked Pierre if he would readily recommend Sweden for expats. He answered that of course he would. Sweden is a great place to live. Pierre tends to leave Sweden about once a month but he has also travelled widely in Sweden. Half of his friends are international people but his closest ones are Swedish. I asked him if he speaks Swedish and he does. He has a gift for languages. VCC did not help out with his Swedish language training but he organised this himself. It was not easy as he speaks English at work and was living with a Dutch woman with whom he communicated in English. He feels strongly that language is the key to integration and the fact that he speaks German has helped him master the language. He feels his learning curve has been a slow one but this is part of Pierre´s demand on himself to learn everything quickly. The fact that Swedish people speak such good English has also been a barrier to Pierre using Swedish in the workplace. He does speak Swedish at work but sometimes he feels that his colleagues are frustrated and expect him to be perfect. It is easy to have a false idea of Sweden — that you can work and live here and not speak the language. You may get by but you can never integrate or really learn about the culture if you do not learn the language. This applies in all countries of course. Sometimes English speaking people have expectations of the Swedes English speaking and comprehension that is not realistic. It is also important to be able to pick up idioms and slang and to be able to participate in a conversation at all levels.
Even in a relationship when two people are speaking the language that is not their first misunderstandings can arise. Words may mean different things to different people.

Success — is this ok in France? In Pierre´s opinion of course it is. However, he does feel that it is a misconception that success is not accepted in Sweden. He feels, on the contrary, that this is very important, especially for younger people. They are more ambitious and keen to show their success by the material things they purchase. They still want to fit in: appearance and clothing, cars, watches, going to the right club etc.... you should be beautiful and trendy.
There is a big difference between Swedish people when they at home in Sweden and when they travel. Things are good outside Sweden but best at home. Borta bra men hemma bäst. Swedes tend to assume they are well liked outside of Sweden.
 
When he first arrived in Sweden he was shocked by the number of divorces and how these were so perfect. Everyone is happy and the kids are happy and then you meet someone else and have more kids and you all become one big happy family and you spend your time together. In reality it is not this easy but you don´t tend to talk about the difficulties here. People do not tend to open up about these things. They would rarely admit that they are not happy or successful.
 
Consensus and Conflicts: Swedes handle confrontation or conflict in their own special way. When you look around there is no one backing you up even though you know that people actually think the same as you do. Pierre thinks that Swedes tend to take things personally, even in the workplace. You are not just following up goals and development you have to take feelings and fairness into account all the time.
Pierre does tend to feel that the rules for taking time off are rather lax. He is impressed by the respect and freedom employees get when concerned with family matters. One and a half year of parental leave sounds like a dream. He is surprised that if your partner gets sick during that leave you can still take time off to look after your family. (I told Pierre that he should wait until he becomes a parent to judge this.)

Plans for the future: Pierre can see himself living in Sweden in the long term as he likes the quality of life and the respect you are shown at work. He does, however, feel that it is a good time to have a change and he is looking forward to a few years in France. He shares most of the values that are typically Swedish. When and if Pierre moves back to Sweden he will be able to compare life as a young person in the middle of his career in France with living in Sweden in a similar situation. This will be a new cultural experience and may not be as easy as it seems. He will probably find that Sweden has changed him in some ways and that slipping back into life in France may not be the piece of cake he thinks it will be.

Pierre did not apply for the position in France. He was contacted by Volvo France. He obviously has made a name for himself. People know who Pierre is. He makes an impression.

Pierre´s tips for someone moving to Sweden:
Learn Swedish
Keep a positive mindset
Push to make opportunities to meet people as these will not come to you — unless you have lots of money and are a very handsome person (of course this description fits Pierre, in my opinion).
Take the lead.
Be socially active
Issue invitations
Bring your own cheese utensils
 
“There is no bad weather only bad clothing" — Pierre really likes this saying. It makes him laugh but he agrees as it has a lot to do with attitudes and how you deal with situations.

Pierre was very open about his life in Sweden and his opinions. On the whole he is happy with his life here. He has chosen Sweden and he hopes to come back here and live. He is pleased to have had the opportunity to work here in order for him to see other countries more objectively. To sum up Pierre said “Enjoy the ride and remember that there is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing."

* Coconut theory: I mentioned this when I interviewed Steve Armstrong. It is the theory that some cultures are very hard on the outside, i.e. it is hard to get to know the people and to integrate but once you get through the hard coconut shell (which can take some doing) you have made good friends for life. The opposite is the Peach culture which is very soft on the outside. It is easy to make friends and you may think you have lots of close friends but once you get to the inner stone you cannot get any further. Your friends remain acquaintances. The US culture is often given as an example of the latter.