Robin Fay McNair — “embracing the rain"

As usual, I started off by asking Robin how she ended up Sweden. It is an interesting, and rather involved, story. Robin´s sister and her husband worked in Mozambique. Robin went there to visit and work and she stayed for a year. She worked there first with psychiatry patients but found that this was very difficult without speaking the native languages. 

Robin´s background in occupational therapy was also as a physical occupational therapist working with burn patients.  She finally convinced the hospital administration to move her to work with burn patients. She teamed up with a Canadian woman and the two of them, during that year, managed to create and developed a burn program for cleaning wounds, exercising and preparing patients for surgery.  During this year Robin became good friends with several Swedish physical therapists and she also met a Swedish plastic surgeon.  It was one of those “love at first sight" experiences.  However, she had to return to the US to work and had to leave behind a wonderful working experience and her new love.
 
Robin visited Sweden six years later and she met up with her Swedish doctor again.  She returned to the US and they carried on a long distance relationship for a few years. In 1999 they both went to Peru to work with a burn treatment centre. At this time they decided to try living together and made plans for Robin to move to Sweden.  Robin went home and closed up her practice in the US and then moved to Sweden. Unfortunately, her Swedish doctor decided to take a job in Norway as director of a burn unit there.  He did not see Robin as part of this.

At the time Robin felt that this was the worst thing that could have happened to her. For the first year or so she experienced a severe depression and at that stage did not have the psychic energy to go back to the US to organise things.  By the time she became stronger, she had lost her business and other chances of work in the US. She was, however, beginning to feel good about being here. She had a strong support system of both Swedish and expat friends and also a lot of friends in the US.  Robin feels she now would have difficulty returning to her former life as she has already taken too so many new steps out of her old way of thinking. 

Part of her admits that at times she might be willing to take the chance to move back to the States, and then part of her is really satisfied where she is. She is not alone here but has many friends and has created a very special life experience.  She now believes and feels that she has become stronger and has been given something unique in this expatriate experience.  Although the experience began very painfully she has gained perspectives and strengths that she might never have had in the US. It has given her the chance to work in a more creative way with people. 

Coaching allows Robin to focus on peoples´ strengths in order to help them be happier, stronger and facilitate their development. She likes working with people when they are trying to step outside the routine of their life, to start something new. She feels she would not have done this if she had stayed in the US. The experience of being an expat means that you step outside of your family, your culture and how you are supposed to be. You can re-invent yourself.  The choice of becoming an expat or maybe just the experience seems to bring out something special in the people from the expat community.  Robin is not sure if these abilities are what people have from the beginning or if they develop from our experiences, but she gets lots of chances to see it in the Professional Women´s Group. Robin is  one of the four organisers of the PWG.

I asked Robin what she knew about Sweden before moving here. She knew a little as she had visited Sweden . She had made some friends who she realises were not typical Swedes. She learned a bit about the culture during this time as well. In spite of this, she was pretty idealistic when she moved to Sweden and she was rather shocked by some things. When she was only visiting the old Swedish more liberal medical system was still intact. Things have gone downhill in terms of service since then. She feels that Swedish culture has become much more pragmatic about the financial side of health care rather than focused on providing treatment. 

Robin´s tip for expats is to see this as an experience that you may or may not ever again have in your life — make the most of it. Use it and maximise your opportunities. Do not try to live as you did in the US(or wherever your home country is), even though this is largely possible these days. Really live in Sweden . Let it change you! 

Robin found it difficult to get a job in Sweden and she experienced just how rigid Swedish society can be. Her years of experience seem to be less important than her age. This was a shock for her. It would have been illegal in the States.  Robin ended up setting up her own private practice here. This waste of resources from the immigrants who bring with them their experience and education has finally begun to be addressed by the Swedish government.  It was really tough for Robin, at the beginning.  On top of being depressed and overwhelmed, she really had a hard time creating a professional practice within an unfamiliar system. Her friends were very supportive at that time and without them she could not have made it. 
I asked if Robin remembered any particular culture shocks. She said that sometimes she is teased about is her attitude to time.

She still has difficulty with the Swedish “halv fem" (meaning 4.30) and confuses it with the English half five (which is 5.30).  She regularly makes mistakes and shows up before or after when she should. This is not ok for Swedes, 4.30 means 4.30 not 4.31, much less 5.30.
Another thing that Robin noticed is how Swedes tend to speak in the imperative, they say things like “close the door" “pass the coffee" with never a mention of please. Once Robin started studying Swedish she understood this better. Swedes do not mean to be impolite but it can sound so.

Robin sometimes feels that Swedes ask very personal, direct questions. She was not happy being asked “why are you here?" For some people, the reason for coming here has been to escape torture or losses in their families and to them the Swedish directness can be quite traumatic.

One area where the usually “conflict avoiding" Swedish get rather upset is the sensitive area of communal laundries and washing time. Robin has been yelled at and has not found it easy to understand this “laundry culture". For a North American this culture around laundry times seems very strange but one must remember most middle class Americans have their own washers and dryers and don´t have to share.

Robin believes that most people arriving in Sweden (or anywhere else new to live for that matter) will experience some cultural difficulties.  Swedish people can find it difficult to understand how anyone could be unhappy here. Of course the unhappiness may not directly be about Sweden but it could have a lot to do with missing your family etc.  It is probably best to keep your complaints to yourself or share with other foreigners. Swedes who have travelled and lived outside Sweden understand easier the issues of cultural difference and also what it is like to live in another country, using a new language. They are more able to give support during those difficult first few months.

Robin compares the multicultural situation in the States and believes there isn´t quite so much expectation that there will be uniformity in American society. However, Americans are egocentric about their language and that is a real loss for them.  Robin believes it doesn´t make sense to ask anyone to give up their own culture and that everyone wins when multi-cultures are accepted. Swedendoes not really have this history of cultural mix and one can be made to feel out of place when not doing things “the way they are done here".

Robin does acknowledge however that people from other cultures coming to the US do not have it easy either.  Her experience here in Sweden has helped her be more sensitive to what it must be like trying to move to the US . Swedes who have grown up in a culture that is very homogeneous and relatively socialist, where everyone was guaranteed a place to live, free education, child endowment, free dental care for children, guaranteed health care, six weeks´ vacation etc. have difficulty imagining that things can be different elsewhere.
 
I asked Robin for a little background information. She went to primary school in Seattle, high school in California and university in Seattle . She studied occupational therapy specializing in both psychiatry and burn treatment.  She began working at the University of Washington hospital in a psychiatry unit and on weekends and holidays at a burn centre. In 1980 she went to Mozambique where she worked for a year.  When Robin returned to her job from Mozambique she became more interested in systems family therapy and how the family dynamics affect a patient´s problems and recovery. She went back to university and obtained her Masters in 1987.  In the early 80s she decided she wanted to learn to fly planes. She got her pilot license and worked with the Seattle Fear of Flying Clinic.   The aim of the clinic is to help people who were afraid to fly. She can still fly and she still works with people who have a fear of flying. 

In 1988 Robin started a private family therapy practice in Seattle .  She also created an on-line program, www.couragetofly.com, for people with fear of flying and sells a CD program with the possibilities for coaching to give support.  In 2000 Robin moved to Sweden . Since then she has been working with family therapy and coaching. She goes back to Seattle usually in March and October every year to be the coach in the Seattle Fear of Flying Clinic. This also gives her the opportunity to meet up with her family.

Robin is interested in gardening and garden design. Her sister is an architect and her grandfather was a well known architect in Seattle . Robin has done a lot of the construction work in her garden including remodelling her cottage and designing and building an extra pavilion to use during Sweden ´s rainy summer days. She is good with her hands and doesn´t mind getting dirty. She always has lots of projects on the go in the garden. She would like to build a pond next. She owns her cottage and rents the land. They have a common organisation and have a contract based on a 6-year period. She also has to pay for electricity and running water but has no sewerage system.

She has a mull (compost) toilet, for convenience sake.  The house is only 27sqm, but it is well planned and very cosy. Her cottage is historically very special. The area was built during a time when the government believed that people living in the apartments needed to have outdoor space for their families. These areas have developed from places just to grow a few vegetables to more areas where people grow flowers and enjoy moments of serenity in their gardens.  

The original house was a wooden box that cars were delivered in, on ships. Of course it has been changed quite a lot since then but Robin found traces of this old construction when she was remodelling and putting in a new toilet area and sleeping loft.  Her lot is very steep with four different levels leading to a granite hill behind her cabin.  
Robin likes to read, mostly in Swedish these days, to try and work on the language.  

She believes that language is the door to the way people think. You cannot understand other people if you don´t understand their language. One of the problems an English speaking person has is that we do not have enough experience with other languages to understand that they way we express ourselves in English is only one way and not THE way to express yourself. Robin has learned French, Portuguese and Swedish.  She likes to listen to jazz at Nefertiti. Robin would like to travel more than she does now. But she admits that she is always so busy and basically is something of a workaholic. She would like to leave Sweden in November and come back in April. She loves the spring, summer and fall here in Sweden and the time she spends at her cottage.

Robin doesn´t think that Göteborg has much of a public life. She misses being able to go to clubs and listen to someone read or to art exhibits and such. 
Robin did not have a good experience studying Swedish at the university here. She felt this was not for beginners at all and that there was a very negative atmosphere with extreme criticism and very little understanding of other cultural differences. She has since taken other SFI courses however and found them helpful. She would like to continue taking more language training but time and money often are a conflict for her.

I asked if Robin could remember any embarrassing language moments. One moment she told me about was when she went to a friend and her nose was running, (A common problem during the winters here in Göteborg). She said in Swedish, “min näsa springer" — literally translated as my nose is running in English, but in Swedish springer means literally her nose was out for a run. Sometimes when a person is trying to be brave and use the little Swedish they know these mistakes can be embarrassing especially when people laugh. Robin mostly doesn´t mind if people joke about her mistakes but sometimes it can be a little humiliating. 

Robin feels there are quite a lot of advantages of living in Sweden . One of them is her lovely little cottage and the lifestyle she can have, associated with this. She certainly could not have this in the US at least not in Seattle without a lot of money. She has a lovely home with a beautiful garden, right in the middle of town. She feels it is a very special life experience and very Swedish. She has chosen not to own a car and she gets around on public transport and finds this is not a problem. Robin has an apartment as well as her cottage and on her income (semi-retired) she feels she has a better lifestyle here than she could afford in the US .

Robin has found that living in a smaller community gives her more access to people from other cultures which really enjoys.  She is outside of mainstream Swedish culture and therefore she meets a bigger variety of people from other cultures. She sees this as a definite advantage. Her friends tend to be 1/3 Americans, 1/3 Swedes and 1/3 other cultures.
Robin also sees some disadvantages of living in Göteborg. She feels that Göteborg tends to have a little sister complex in relation to Stockholm where there is much more going on. She was involved in politics in the US and feels that Obama has created an environment where people can be active. She would like to be more of a part of this.  She has since the election gotten in contact with the Democrats abroad group and hopes to find a feeling of connection with the States new possibilities for political involvement.  She misses her family and the ability to have short visits more often. She has one sister who lives in New York and another who lives in Montreal Canada. Her mother lives in Canada with her this sister and she is now 96.

Robin also feels that she has somewhat lost her identity as she has lost her position as a professional within the Swedish heath care system. She finds that none of her education is really acknowledged which is quite common for foreigners.   She thought she might go back to university.   She found it very strange that the entrance was based on her grade school qualifications.  She felt it was pretty obvious if she had a Master´s degree then she had been to grade school!   

Another thing Robin remarked upon was the work ethic. Swedes talk about how they are overworked here, but she finds they have long breaks and tend to work at a slower pace than what she is used to. She believes that many Swedes do not know what real work pressure is and hears this quite frequently from various friends and clients from other cultures.  It isn´t all bad and she does appreciate that the Swedes recognise their family needs and the acceptance of taking time off for illness and vacations.   

Another tip for expats is to come with a goal of learning something new. Study architecture, or languages or politics or something else anything you have always wanted to learn. Make the most of your time and learn about Sweden and how it has developed some its interesting idiosyncrasies. Travel around Europe and experience the different cultures.  Forget about the food you liked at home and appreciate the new things here. Make your stay in Sweden a learning experience.

Robin loves her little cottage in the middle of the city and refers to it as her chance to change the rain, from her difficult beginning in Sweden , into gold.  She has a golden rain tree well placed in upper level of the garden as a constant reminder for her to take whatever chances come one´s way to maximize life´s potential.
I spent a lovely time with Robin in her cottage and garden. The area felt cut off from the everyday world of stress and work. Thanks for inviting me into your magical world, Robin.

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